Got a message from my brother today, asking me if our mother could have my ‘new’ address so that she could send me an invite for my stepfather’s birthday. After having spend most of my day with a great passion for isolation I finally find myself in need for someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on… Damn I feel lonely! The second best thing is to put SOAD on repeat and blog.
Fuck you, mum!
If you had taken the effort of calling me on MY birthday two weeks ago, I might have been persuaded into giving you my address. If you really want it, you can find it on the web, but please don’t restrain yourself!
I can give you nothing! These past ten years of distance between us has made me sane and I have no intention of destroying that. There is a social norm saying you have to love your mother, and you have had your benefits from me believing that to be true. And the only reason I don’t fall frontal first puking my guts out to the saying: “a mothers love for her children”, is because of my own love for mine.
You are not the one who makes me sad tonight. Remember that! You make me angry. The sadness comes from the realization that I never really did feel I had a mother.
